Battling Mental Health Problems: A Teenager's Perspective

This is the mental health journey of a 19 year-old Singaporean teenager, across the span of six years.

Her eyes were puffy. Her cheeks were cherry red.

She could feel life draining out from her face with every sniffle she took.

There were crumpled tissues scattered all around her soaked pillows. She pulled the covers over her head.

The room was drained in darkness and the biting wind enveloped her. Tonight was especially cold.

Tick tock. Hours slipped by.

With every shivering breath she took, the thought of school in mere hours haunted her.

Every night, the cycle repeats.

This is a glimpse into the life of Colleen, six years ago, when breakdowns and bitter memories dominated her Secondary school days.

How it started

“Everything changed when I was in Secondary One. I started feeling very down and lost a lot of weight,” she sighed.

It was not until then when she noticed frequent patterns of extreme sorrow.

Colleen muddled through weeks of uncertainty, as she was at an absolute loss with her unusual behaviour.

Her eyes widened when the school counsellor broke the news.

“You are experiencing anxiety and depression.”

These words rang incessantly in her head while she had to feign that she was perfectly fine in front of others.

Colleen’s face numbed upon recalling her trauma.

“My Asian parents weren’t open with my condition, so I tried my best not to show it,”

she said, as her voice cracked.

Struggles in Secondary school

In school, she had to put on a facade. At home, raised voices and shut doors were the norm as her family often broke into fights. Eventually, she was tossed to the side and left to fend for herself.

She was all alone.

To make matters worse, although she went for free counselling within and outside of school, her parents would restrict her from getting medical help. In fact, it wasn’t a long time till she suppressed these problems once again.

The weight of academics, family tension and loneliness in school placed an extreme burden on her shoulders. It was too much to bear. Night after night, she would break down.

Again. And again.

For most days, it would be a constant battle for her to tear herself away from her bed. Whenever she went through an episode, her classroom seat would be left empty.

This inevitably led to plunging grades and blank exam scripts, which spiralled into greater anxiety, and depression.

After four years of arduous mugging, Colleen entered Junior College (JC).

Hope in Junior College

Colleen’s heart thumped furiously as she wandered among a sea of unfamiliar faces. Doubts washed over her as she searched for the perfect opportunity to chime in a conversation.

Thankfully, the friendships she knitted in JC blossomed even during the most difficult days.

After months of bottling up her stress and anxiety, she poured out her emotions when her closest friends were beside her. It was then when her friends realised: their best friend was suffering from depression.

“What made us stronger was that we went through it together,” she beamed, as she recalled the warmth she felt even in her darkest moments.

“I’m grateful that they stayed!” she added.

Dance was Colleen’s escape from reality. She was able to confide in her dance teacher and together, they worked out a plan for her to get better.

“She was there for me when I needed, but she didn’t rush for me to get better,” she said.

Eventually, with the support from her friends, Colleen ploughed through her A Level journey and made it to Nanyang Technological University.

Life in University

Colleen still experiences uncertainty of sharing her problems with her friends in university.

When she engages in conversations with her friends, Colleen’s voice would gradually diminish while the voices in the room grow to a crescendo. She was not like any of them. As opposed to her reserved nature, they were outspoken and extroverted.

“In some way or another, it is quite scary to bring my mental health issues up. I am not sure what people will say,” Colleen frowned, as her eyes shifted back and forth.

“How would people react? How would they view me?”

These doubts would echo in her mind. Even after six long years, it is still hard for her to open up to people about her condition.

Colleen’s coping mechanism includes packing her schedule with long lists of events and activities. She labours through an endless cycle of busying herself with external activities, feeling burnt out, breaking down and forcing herself to get back to work. This only snowballs into greater stress.

She goes through this whole process just to never have a spare moment, when the depressive thoughts that lurk in her head might surface.

Mental Health in Singapore

Even as the mental health scene in Singapore seems to improve, Colleen still feels that she has to conceal her struggles regarding mental health. She desires to prove to others that she is normal, like everyone else, and does not want to be labelled as ‘not okay’.

13-year-old Colleen could not comprehend why she was feeling down most of the time. The constant breakdowns and the sudden weight loss were foreign to a teenage girl like herself. The word ‘depression’ was a term she was not familiar with, not to mention, how to deal with it if she ever spiralled into depression.

Colleen feels that issues surrounding mental health are not talked about enough in Singapore. To her, these sensitive conversations were mostly superficial and on the surface-level.

Words of Advice

Colleen is still on her journey to defeat depression.

When all hope seems lost, she constantly reminds herself to look to the future as she desires to work in the teaching field. She keeps a mental image of her standing in front of the classroom, where a bunch of bubbly kids seek for Teacher Colleen’s attention.

She encourages those who are facing mental health issues like her to never give up and to focus on their future goals and aspirations.

“It’s worth it to push for what you wish to achieve,” she says, as a smile spreads across her face.

She advises those with friends who are experiencing mental health issues to be there to listen and support them. To her, her company of friends is enough to help her feel better.

Mental health issues are puzzles that cannot be solved easily. This rollercoaster ride of emotions is easier to get by with the support of friends and family.

“Be there to listen and support. Cry with them if needed,” said Colleen.

This is set as a reminder for all to lend a listening ear to others, or provide company when one is afraid to seek professional help.

Helplines:

Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours)

Institute of Mental Health: 6389-2222 (24 hours)

Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800 283-7019 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 6pm)

TOUCHline: 1800 377-2252 (Mon to Fri, 9am to 6pm)

Care Corner (Mandarin hotline): 1800-3535-800 (Daily, 10am to 10pm)